I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
