I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
