I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
two words...techno handjob
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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