I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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