Jerry, you need to find god
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
