the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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