she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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