god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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