a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
