I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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