This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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