So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
