just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize