the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
