You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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