I must be too annoying 4 u.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Randomize
