i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize