isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just want to make out with him forever
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
