I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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