I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
