whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
