The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
