So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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