did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
