i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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