If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The adults are the big ones right?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
