i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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