Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Text me some of your sweat
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
