I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
