I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
