hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
