Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
