I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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