i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Randomize
