can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
