It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
