All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize