this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
