So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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