id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
