Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize