I cannot find my penis.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
