Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he shaved USA in his pubs
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
