our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Go christen that room with your naked body.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
