White coat. Heels.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
