Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Dick very happy bro
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
