Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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