He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
