Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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