this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
