Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
