I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
