I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
