I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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