May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
