I just saw a hot homeless man
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
