Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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