i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
