I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
