i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
