Someone shit on the floor
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
