So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize