he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
