Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
