YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
