He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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