My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
